Friday, July 8, 2016

Plastered: The Ultimate Olympic Trials Drinking Game

Guys, this is Marta Karolyi's last Olympic Trials. It's time to lock the doors, put on your old competition leotard, and find out whether the team really is Simone, Gabby, Aly, Laurie, and Madison.

If you want to celebrate this anticlimactic event, get your fellow gym nerds together and play a little drinking game. If you have some "Count Karolyi" on hand (see above), great. If not, use whatever you have in the house.

Remember that it's not about perfect. Your goal is to show that your liver and tear ducts are 90% ready for Rio.

Let's get plastered!

Every time you see Marta Karolyi, take five sips.

If Marta speaks on camera, take ten sips.

Whenever you see Laurent Landi on screen, you must repeat whatever the commentators are saying at that moment. But you must do so in a sultry, "phone sex operator" voice.

Side note: The gymternet needs more Laurent Landi gifs.

If you see Kittia Carpenter, yell, "Arms!" First person to yell "Arms" gets to choose a friend to chug their drink.

If you have no clue what I'm talking about, here's the backstory: When Gabby couldn't make her standing full on Douglas Family Gold, Kittia would yell, "Arms!"

That's it. Just "Arms!"

A+ Olympic coaching right there. Gallardo should take over that operation. STAT.

Any time someone complains about a gymnast's form (probably Aly's), throw your drink at the person, and say, "Marta has never cared about form."

Every time someone does a wolf turn, pop a squat. Last person squatting does a shot.

If NBC shows Emily Schild, Christina Desiderio, Brenna Dowell, Amelia Hundley, or Rachel Gowey, clap and drink simultaneously.

If someone says "reigning World Champion" or "reigning Olympic Champion," yell, "America! F*ck yeah!" Then, knock on wood while chugging whatever's in sight. 

If someone says that Gabby and Aly are too old, cut them off. They don't deserve to drink with you. Or better yet, push them out a window.

Every time there's an awkward exchange between Al Trautwig and Nastia, drink until it's over. (Nastia wishes she could be drinking with you.)

Whenever Al or Tim is a massive wanker, swear at the TV and take a sip.

If there's a mention of the Magnificent 7, stand up and do your favorite Atlanta choreography. Then, take a shot.

There are just so many gems to choose from!

If there's a mention of the Fierce 5, sing "Home." If you don't know the words, drink until your friends stop singing.

If someone says that America is weak on bars, roll your eyes, and take a shot for Madison Kocian.

If you don't feel drunk enough, get your Party Raisman on.

Tune in on Friday, July 8, on NBC at 9:00pm ET or watch live online. Then, tune in again on Sunday, July 10, on NBC at 8:30pm ET or watch live online.

Note: The USOC owns the rights to all Olympic Trials in the United States. USA Gymnastics cannot post videos from the meet on YouTube. So, you will need a cable account. Ask your family, friends, coworkers, and Tinder acquaintances for theirs.


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