Saturday, April 2, 2016

Natty Light: The Unofficial NCAA Regional Drinking Game

Maybe you're in college. Maybe you graduated from college. Maybe you never went to college. It doesn't matter. Today, we do what college students do best – WE DRINK!

But before you get your 2012 Peter Michael Cabernet Sauvignon out of the wine fridge, remember this: college students have terrible taste in alcohol.

So, go to your local liquor store and buy the cheapest, shittiest beer you can find. And let's have some fun and make poor life decisions.

Sound good?

Do a Keg Stand Whenever…

  • A commentator uses a "but softener" – "She fell, but it was a great routine."
  • A gymnast misses a handstand on bars. Show 'em how it's done!
  • A gymnast shockingly takes a step on her double front dismount off bars.
  • Risa Perez smiles.
  • A UCLA gymnast gets a redo.
  • Tabitha Yim's hair is on point. (Has she ever had a bad hair day in her adult life?)
  • Bridget Sloan does Bridget Sloan things and gets Bridget Sloan scores. (Interpret that as you wish.)
  • A gymnast incorporates her mascot into her floor routine.

    Gator Chomp? Keg stand.
    LSU tiger paw? Keg stand.
    Minnesota doing gopher imitations? Keg stand.

Slam a Natty Light (Sorry, College Kids Have Terrible Taste in Beer) When…

  • A gymnast does a "butt-head" salute.

    You know the type. You get stress fractures just from watching the gymnast arch her head into her butt.
  • There's a fake stick.

    You're going to need two cases of Natty Light. Minimum.

  • A gymnast gets unofficial "difficulty bonus" for her Yurchenko 1.5 or double-twisting Yurchenko.
  • A gymnast does a Yurchenko "Arabian"
  • A commentator talks about how a gymnast is "only a freshman."
  • A commentator talks about artistry, and you roll your eyes so hard that you tear your extraocular muscles.
  • A gymnast lunges out of her back tumbling, but her front foot slides backwards.
  • At 5pm ET / 2pm PT.

    Three meets at once? You might need something stronger than Natty Light.
  • A commentator mentions the elevation in Salt Lake City.
  • A commentator talks about Megan Marsden as if her greatest accomplishment in life were marrying Greg Marsden.

    Dude, have you SEEN American Anthem?

  • There's a rudi on floor.


Pound Some Jungle Juice Whenever…

  • You see D-D Breaux's wearing her tiger prints. Roar.

  • Greg Marsden uses the term "Stupid Six" on Twitter.

  • A gymnast is half-assing. If the leotard would make Catalina Ponor blush, you're going to need something strong.
  • A gymnast wobbles on her full turn on beam.
  • A commentator uses the word "senior."
  • A gymnast pauses during her acro series, but the judges give her credit anyway. (Sophina, I'm looking at you.)
  • A floor routine opens with a double pike.
  • A floor routine ends with a double pike.
  • A team (probably Georgia) has a balance beam meltdown.
  • Dana Duckworth gives someone the death stare.
  • Dana Duckworth over-enunciates words during her interviews.
  • Dana Duckworth is wearing some faux-dominatrix clothing.
  • Elizabeth Price is a badass.
  • Ivana Hong points her toes.
  • You miss Kat Grable.

If You Have a Death Wish…

  • Take one shot for every rhinestone that's on your favorite team's leotard. OU fans, it was nice knowing you.

Pound a Bottle of Jaegermeister if…

  • A fight breaks out.

    Has there ever been a physical altercation at an NCAA meet? Tell your stories in the comments section below.
*As always, play at your own risk. You will die if you play this game as written.

1 comment:

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