I. Hate. Trampolines.
Seriously, I've always been scared of them, and I've made a concerted effort to stay far, far away from them. When I did my first double back, I did it on the floor. No foam pits and certainly no trampolines were involved. To this day, the hardest skill that I will do on a tramp is a full. Even then, I have visions of Stick It right as I'm about to take off.
And at my age, I can't afford to hurt my wenis.
(Weenus? Weinis? Weanus? How the eff do you even spell that?)
Despite my trampophobia, I got my butt out of bed this morning to watch a sport that I really don't know much about. But I enjoyed it anyway, and here's why.
Reason 1: The names of the skills are delightful
Terms like "quadriffus" make me wonder if J.K. Rowling invented the Trampoline Code of Points. Don't the names sound like something out of Harry Potter?
It took a lot of self-control not to photoshop a dong into Hermione's hand. You'll understand why in a second.
Other great names:
- A fliffus - Any double somersault with at least a 1/2 twist
- A triffus - Any triple somersault with at least a 1/2 twist
- A ball out - A front 1 1/4 starting from the athlete's back
- A randy - A single front somersault with 2 1/2 twists (Same as artistic gymnastics)
Reason 2: There were more of these.
Reason 3: It made me nostalgic
Men's trampoline is a world where crushed velvet leotards still exist and where the athletes still wear their countries' colors. Enough said.
Reason 4: There was a competitor named Dong Dong
At 6am, with eye boogers still crusted to my face, I started watching the live stream. I was toying with the idea of going back to bed, but then, I became obsessed with one athlete in particular. When I saw him, I knew that he would be the next Olympic champion if he didn't mess up. His name just happened to be "Dong Dong." So, I tweeted:
"I'm a HUGE fan of Dong."Then, my inner sixth-grader started giggling. Though I know that the name "Dong" can mean "child" (among other things) in Chinese, I just couldn't help myself. I mean, it's hard not to say the word "dong"--in any context--with a straight face.
And then you go on the internet and read this...
Kidding aside, Dong Dong was beautiful to watch. (No more giggling. It's time to be mature.) Which brings me to my next point...
Reason 5: Trampoline is elegant.
Would you rather see this?
Musty, I hope that you were taking notes during the competition.
Marcel, I hope that you were taking notes, as well.
For those who like to brawl online, I am NOT saying that trampoline is better than artistic gymnastics or vice versa. Nor am I saying that one requires more strength or flexibility or talent than the other.
What I am saying is this: I enjoyed watching trampoline. It was like sitting through a Cirque du Soleil show, and it was perfect for my short attention span. (Qualifications AND finals were over in 2 hours.)
And as I said at the beginning of this post, I am ignorant about the sport. And I hate that. While I partly blame myself for my ignorance, I also blame the media. Really, there is not much network coverage of trampoline, which makes it hard to be anything but a four-year fan. And even during the Olympic year, it's not easy, as trampoline is not considered a marquee event in the U.S.
But I have a mission: during the next quadrennium, I am going to try to learn more about trampoline. (I'm also going to learn Russian so that I can be a super gym fan!) So, expect a post or two about trampoline in the future.
In the meantime, here's a look at today's winners...
I wonder which is worse: The athletes' London 2012.com photos or their driver's license photos.