Dear USA Gymnastics and Agents, You can thank me later. xx, Uncle Tim
Who can compete with Dominique Moceanu's story? No one. Unless you have an inspiring legless sister, the gymnastics book market is not for you, and new avenues must be explored.
I propose that Team USA come out with a series of bedtime stories in the form of audiobooks. The slogan could be: Fall asleep with Team USA every night for the rest of your life... 'cause that's not creepy at all.
If Shawn Johnson could be on Dancing with the Stars, John Orozco should be on American Idol. Duh.
Team USA shirtless playing cards--These suckers would be flying off the shelves!
Team USA loves tattoos, and the women love Team USA. Why not create some rub-on tattoos? That way, the fans can have their very own Team USA tramp stamps... Classy.
Bobbleheads. Who wouldn't want a Jake Dalton bobblehead?
At 2am, after a night in the bars, I anticipate that I will order custom-made Tim Daggett, Elfi Schlegel, and Al Trautwig bobbleheads. The gymternet will be über-jealous.