Thursday, July 26, 2012

Team USA, the gymnastics gods are upset with you.

Before I go off on a rant, let me say this: I am thrilled that the U.S. gymnasts are in the spotlight. They are far more entertaining than the women, and for the sake of men's gymnastics programs everywhere, I hope that the team members inspire little boys to enroll in gymnastics classes.

That said, we need to talk about this...

During your 4 minutes of fame, you decided to participate in


Danell... querido, Close your legs! ¡Dios mío!
Horton... Step out of the shadows and point your bloody toes!
Mikulak... Your shoulders aren't that wide. Move your hands closer together!
Orozco... ¡Ay, nene! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?
Jakey-Poo... You're NOT a turtle! Don't stick your head out!

Dear Team USA,

I hate to be the one to break this to you, but... The gymnastics gods saw you on TV, and

they're pissed!

Doesn't Sexy Alexei look pissed?

If you want to appease the gymnastics gods on Saturday, you better try a lot harder. Coaches always say that you play the way you practice, and if that adage is true, you're all screwed.

Uncle Tim


  1. I love you so much...this is the most flawless thing I've read in my ENTIRE life. Sr. Nemov is shaking his head in the dark somewhere. :(

  2. I have to admit, I'd find it hilarious if any video surfaced with the U.S team's coach saying that :D "Horton... Step out of the shadows and point your bloody toes!"

    And yes, the Gods are upset... would Alexei be the god of Class or All Around Awesome/Heartthrob? To the sculpting studio!